Greatest/Least

I was thinking about some of the great people of the church.  I was thinking about the amazing things Mother Teresa did, about the mystics like Madame Guyon, about people working among unreached people groups and seeing harvest.  

"Lord, I am not great enough to do those sorts of things," I said.  

"No, Natalie," He replied,  "You are not small enough."

Talking with God

A dear agnostic friend of mine asked me how I talk to God.  I explained that it is much like talking to any other person.  She asked how I know that what I hear is actually God and not simply a fabrication of my mind.  Good question- one I've struggled with for a couple years now.  Ultimately though this is how I think I would respond to that question:

I talk to God by faith.

I have the most common of conversations with God simply because I believe that He is the sort of God who is personal and willing (even eager) to talk with me in this down-to-earth way.  

I believe that I hear Him, so I do.  

One time I said to God, "Thank You for speaking to me!"  He responded,

    "It is only because you asked; because you listened.  Many more people would hear Me in the same way if they only asked."

There are of course mental and spiritual ways to discern God's voice from our own or any other, but above all, communication with God comes through faith.

Sometimes I think it is all in my head.  Nothing more than a self-trained way of thinking.  But I value and love talking with God so much that I don't think I can give it up.  If I am wrong, I am wrong.  

Jeanne Guyon wrote in "Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ" that one enters into the presence of God by faith.  I believe the same is true of hearing and conversing with God.  So as long as I sense it is God, I will just keep on talking with Him in my own way.  Being wrong is a small price to pay for the sake of hearing God's voice.

God for God's sake

If your eyes are on the gift, then you lose sight of the giver.

Do not follow Christ for what He can do in your life. Do not follow Him in order to become more holy or righteous. Do not follow Him because you want wisdom or understanding.

Follow Him for Him.

If we follow God for any other reason than simply because we love Him, then we miss out on God Himself. We may quickly become disappointed or discouraged or angry. If we follow Him for His sake, then we are filled with peace and joy. This is not to say that we should shun the gifts God gives, or hesitate to accept the natural blessings of following Him- He longs for us to accept these gifts! But they can never be the cause for our following and obedience. A walk based on the personal rewards of Christianity is one that is prone to falling.

"There's your chariot."

Feeling frustrated about the work schedule and hours.
God says: "There's your chariot."
I say: "Crap.
It doesn't look very beautiful."
He says:
"They seldom will."

(if this doesn't make sense to you, read the previous post.)

Juggernaut Cars and Chariots of God

While walking by the Arkansas river today I was trying to come to terms with some minor frustrations and issues in my life. It often seems to me that the everyday "struggles" can be more challenging than the huge ones. During the big trials, it is easier to draw near to God. But what of the small things? Not the heart attacks of life, but the little pin pricks and hang nails that just don't seem to stop.

So I asked God, "How do You view these different trials in life? The big ones, the small ones? The ones that seem to matter and the ones that seem trivial? It seems like some you can use more easily to bring people into Your presence. But what of the small ones?"

And He said this: "They're all the same."

I was not expecting this! How could they be the same? Obviously there are some things in life which are earth-shattering and other things which are only minor inconveniences. How is it that He uses them the same? But then I pondered, and saw this:

It is not what God uses in your life, but the fact that you let Him use it, that matters. The event itself is insignificant. It could be as small as feeling frustration toward your coworker, or feeling the deep pangs of loss over a loved one. Both of these events can either separate you from the heart of God or draw you nearer.

Why do I try to quantify my struggles and trials? God does not view them as less or greater than any others. He views them in terms of, "Will she yield this to Me?" and "Will she allow Me to use this to form her more into My image?" Concerning our trials in life, Hannah Whitall Smith writes this:

"It all depends , not upon what these events are, but upon how we take them. If we lie down under them and let them roll over us and crush us, they become Juggernaut cars, but if we climb up into them, as into a car of victory, and make them carry us triumphantly onward and upward, they become the chariots of God."

How do you approach God? With love? Humility? Openness?

Then approach your brothers and sisters in the same way, for God dwells there too! Come to them with that same sort of love, humility, and openness; whatever we do to them, we are doing to the Lord. Let Christ be the lens through which you see, hear, and know every person.

A quick story from a couple months ago:

Last Saturday night I was quite upset- I would be missing both of my dance classes this week. I was so upset by this and numerous other things that I actually shed a couple tears! The next morning I woke up and the sadness continued. I went to church only half-heartedly, realized I didn't need to be there, and went home to just be with the Lord in peace. I tried to calm myself down, quiet myself, but not with any particular success. I moved inside with a big blanket and curled up with Jesus. I was reading "Hinds' Feet for High Places", and in it the main character finds herself completely at the mercy of her enemies- self-pity, pride, fear, i can't remember the others. She is helpless and alone and afraid and without hope. then she calls to the Shepherd and He destroys her enemies and saves her. I read this section then turned to Jesus. "I know that my circumstances are different than the main character's, but Lord, I have so many things burdening me here. Won't you come and save me?"

"Yes," He replied. "Go to sleep now and when you wake up they will all be gone." At the thought of this I couldn't even believe it! Is that even possible? No way.
So I asked, "Lord, do you promise me?"

"Yes. Just rest now and I will take care of it." I was in shock! He wasn't just going to help me, He was going to do something miraculous! All i have to do is fall asleep and He will wipe things clean! Only then I felt a thrill of excitement and anxiety in me. Excitement at the thought of Him relieving me, anxiety at the thought of Him not coming through for His promise.

"Do you believe me Natalie?" I thought about this. Then replied,
"Yes Lord, I believe you will do this. Only now I don't think I ca fall asleep!" And those were the last words I remember thinking because the next thing that happened was I fell fast asleep! The sort of sleep that is solid and dreamless, the kind when you drool all over. Then next thing I knew, Dad was knocking on the door and an hour had passed. I sat up and discovered that just as He promised, everything was lifted form me! And in place He gave me joy! For no particular reason, with no explanation.

My Lord is amazing and good. He filled me instead with determination and joy to continue seeking Him with everything in me. This is my faithful Lord.

A chip off the old blog!

I have made a habit over the past year and half of journaling all of my thoughts in emails and then sending those emails to myself. In rereading these self-emails, I have found some of them to be quite helpful and encouraging at times. I usually hate sharing my thoughts and emotions with people, but I figured, if recounting past reflections and experiences has helped me, maybe it will be helpful to someone else too. So here you have it: Natalie's Journal! Raw thoughts; incomplete, undeveloped, occasionally offensive (?), but entirely genuine.

(You'll have to excuse the title of this post, for some reason it is hysterically funny to me right now, so I couldn't pass it up)